Reluctance - Resistance
by Gmariam
Summary: "What will you do while I'm gone?" "Ooh, the usual. Pizza, Ianto, save the world a couple of times." A chance remark at her wedding leads to a change in perspective for Gwen, and thus for Jack and Ianto.
1. Resistance

Author's Notes:  
I don't usually put my author's notes at the beginning, but this story is a bit of a novelty in two ways. One, I tried to flip the trope that Ianto was more serious about their relationship than Jack. And two, as I was writing, I felt like it needed to be a third person omniscient point of view. Which I've never done before. I'm not sure I've succeeded at either, but at least if you start wondering what the hell went wrong, you'll know. More notes at the end!

* * *

I. Resistance

"Can I take you to lunch?"

Ianto glanced up at the unexpected offer. Gwen was standing next to his desk, looking oddly nervous. She'd returned from her honeymoon with Rhys only two days ago, looking happy, healthy, and exceptionally tan. Apparently marriage agreed with her, or perhaps it was that she'd finally made her choice and was sticking with it. For now.

Ianto raised an eyebrow, wondering where the invitation was coming from. He and Gwen were not particularly close. He'd been the invisible butler when she'd started, then the lovesick traitor who'd hidden his metal girlfriend in the basement. They'd settled into a casual working relationship once the dust had settled from that nightmare, only to butt heads several times during Jack's time away.

Ianto had known she'd a stubborn streak a mile long, but he'd also assumed it was mostly due to her complicated relationship with Jack. The obvious sexual tension between them drove them to constantly antagonize one another, incessantly pushing for a reaction. Heated looks, frequent disagreements, and highly charged shouting matches were apparently their way of working it out, which was why Ianto hadn't anticipated the same reaction from her when Jack had left. Maybe he'd been Jack's proxy, or Gwen had taken out her frustrations on Ianto instead of Rhys. Either way, it had resulted in many trips to the pub with Owen, who had shown himself to be surprisingly supportive of Ianto. He and Gwen had stepped back into a more distant relationship when Jack had returned, and Jack and Gwen had returned to their usual confrontations.

And then Owen had died and come back, and things changed between all of them as everyone struggled to come to terms with Owen's strange new life. There was less bickering and more tolerance and acceptance, and by the time Gwen had got married, Ianto had been happy to cover for the DJ at the reception. It was sort of what he did, after all, cleaning up work-related messes, and the alien shapeshifter who'd killed the DJ had certainly left behind one hell of a mess. Running a few songs was no big deal. It didn't merit a private lunch date. What would they talk about?

"I'd really like to thank you for all you did at the wedding," said Gwen, sensing his confusion. She couldn't remember a time when she'd asked him to go out to lunch alone, and they'd been working together for over a year. It had been a tumultuous year, to be certain, but for some reason her and Ianto had not developed much of a relationship outside of work. After all he had done for her wedding, she wondered why. "We couldn't have got married without you."

Ianto cocked his head. "I thought it was the groom who saved the day?"

"He did, but you saved the party," Gwen laughed. Ianto had also saved her dress, not to mention all the clean up afterwards. "Come on. I know you like that sushi place. My treat. We'll go early and bring back lunch for the others."

"I suppose I can't turn down a free meal," Ianto replied, still wondering what was really going on. "After you."

Jack was on a call with Torchwood Two and Owen was elbows deep in some alien carcass, so they told Tosh they had an errand and would bring back lunch, then set out along the Quay for the restaurant. They made small talk, or rather, Gwen talked almost constantly about her honeymoon, and Ianto listened patiently, wishing it were over.

It wasn't until they were sitting and waiting for their food that Gwen leaned forward and decided to open the conversation. Yes, she wanted to thank him for all he'd done at the wedding, but she was also curious and concerned, and after turning it over for days, she'd decided the only way to resolve it was to approach him. "When I was dancing with Jack, he said something about you," she started, watching him carefully.

Ianto rolled his eyes; he could imagine any number of things that Jack might have said to Gwen. None of them were serious, and most were probably tactless and crass. "And that's why we're here?" he asked. "To gossip?"

She shook her head. "No, it just…well, I've been thinking about it a lot. I'm not sure why."

"Go ahead, then. I'll do my best to translate the conversational ineptitude of our captain into something that makes sense."

Gwen frowned, but plunged on, determined to know the truth. "When I asked him what he was going to do while I was gone, he said, 'Oh, the usual. Pizza, Ianto, save the world a couple of times.'"

Ianto nodded and took a sip of water. "And?"

"Well," she said, toying with her napkin. "It's a bit…flippant, isn't it? Does it bother you, when he says things like that?"

Ianto laughed. This was why she had brought him to lunch? To make sure his feelings weren't hurt by one of Jack's off-the-cuff comments? Sometimes Gwen was so blessedly naïve he wished he could bottle and sell it for the bitter and disgruntled of the world.

"Of course it doesn't," he said. "They're just words, and that's how Jack uses them. He jokes about things like that all the time."

"But it seems rather …" Ianto's words caught her off guard. He didn't seem bothered at all by Jack's casual remark about their relationship. She hadn't thought they were seriously involved, but she'd thought it was a bit more than Jack's words and Ianto's reaction implied, especially after watching them dance together. As soon as she'd seen the look on their faces, she'd felt terrible for laughing with Jack. "Insensitive. I mean, most people don't joke about their relationship with someone like that."

"What relationship?" asked Ianto, looking genuinely curious. "And he probably wasn't joking when he said it. That's exactly what we did while you were gone. We saved the world, ate a lot of pizza, and shagged even more. I'm not sure what you're so worried about."

"I'm not worried," she said quickly, but Ianto gave her a look that made it clear he'd sussed out the truth, and she sighed. "Okay, I am. I wouldn't want someone referring to me like that. If Rhys said something like that to one of his mates it would bother me."

"So you're checking up on me to make sure I'm not crying in my cups, is that it?" he asked. He wasn't sure whether to be amused or offended and shook his head. "First of all, Rhys doesn't talk like Jack," Ianto pointed out. Their food arrived, and he was quiet for several bites before continuing, Gwen watching him closely, as if trying to figure him out. "And second of all, I'm not like you. It doesn't bother me, Gwen. I don't know why you'd think it would."

"Aren't you…you know…" She trailed off, unsure what she was trying to say. Weren't they dating? She knew they went out to dinner or a movie whenever they could, and she was pretty sure they frequently spent the night together, both at the Hub and at Ianto's flat. And they'd really looked quite happy dancing at her wedding.

"Aren't we what? Sleeping together? Yes. Planning a future together? No. I'm not bothered by casual remarks like that, because that's exactly what it is, casual."

"It didn't look casual when you cut in on us," she blurted out, unable to resist.

"Yes, well," Ianto replied, spearing his food harder than normal. He was still sore over that dance for reasons completely different from what Gwen might assume, though he still wasn't sure of them himself. His ire loosened his tongue. "Let's just say we didn't think Rhys would appreciate the cow eyes you two were making at each other. Owen sent me over, seemed to think it fell under the purview of general administrator to break up unrequited mooning when one of the mooners had just got married."

Gwen stared at him in shock, her mouth hanging open. He rolled his eyes at her. She'd always loved that look, but it took on a completely different meaning when it was directed at her. It hurt, in a cutting, dismissive way.

"Gwen, you can't be surprised. I mean, it was pretty damn obvious to the three of us. I shudder to think what others were assuming."

"What was obvious?" she asked, apparently still dumbfounded at his words. Or perhaps she was more surprised that Ianto was actually saying them. People tended to tiptoe around the truth with Gwen, and she seemed to have already made up her mind about the situation in general.

"The thing between you and Jack," Ianto replied calmly. "You know, the thing that makes you both shout and yell and stare moodily at each other all the time."

"What thing?" she asked, still sounding clueless.

"Gwen." Ianto put down his fork and took a drink since he might have to do a lot of explaining. "I don't think I need to spell it out for you, and frankly, this is getting awkward. I cut in on your dance so neither one of you would embarrass yourselves, or worse, Rhys. He saved your life that day; the least he deserved was one night—his wedding night—without you making bedroom eyes at Jack."

"Oh my god," she whispered, glancing down at her plate. She was mortified. What had started out as a conversation about Ianto had been deftly turned back on her in the worst way. "It's not like that, Ianto. I swear, it's not."

"Not anymore, perhaps. Because you _are_ married now," he pointed out. Which was exactly what Owen had said that night, as the three of them had watched Jack and Gwen on the dance floor. Tosh had been too angry to cut in, and Owen had pushed Ianto toward the doe-eyed couple before Ianto could refuse out of annoyance with them all.

"I know I am!" she exclaimed. She dropped her fork and leaned closer. "Is that what you all think? That I…that Jack…that we…" She wasn't even sure how to finish the sentence. Did the rest of the team think that she was sleeping with Jack? They all knew Ianto had been shagging Jack since before he'd left; was Torchwood so warped that they saw one big orgy everywhere now?

Ianto rolled his eyes again. "We don't think it, Gwen. We know it. We see it almost every day. Owen used to keep a tally of your eye-fucks."

"What!" she yelled so loudly that other diners turned to look at her, and she blushed. Ianto patted her hand the same way she would reassure someone she was questioning on a case; she made note to try and be less condescending next time she interrogated someone who was upset.

"It was before Jack left. If I can give you a bit of advice, now is probably a good time to get over it once and for all. For Rhys." Ianto thought it would probably be good for Jack as well, but didn't say anything.

"And what about you?" Gwen asked without thinking. She was growing more and more confused about Ianto's reaction and the direction of their conversation. She could admit that he was right, that there was definitely a tension of some sort between her and Jack. There always had been. Yet that dance had been nothing like what Ianto and the others had seen. She'd been so happy, and it'd had less to do with Jack than her new husband. _Rhys_ had saved her life that day. Jack had helped, but that was what Jack did: he blew things up with his big gun, and Gwen loved him for it, in a hero-worship kind of way. But Rhys…Rhys was so normal, so ordinary, so perfect…and he had _saved_ her _,_ destroying the alien in her belly and marrying her anyway, Torchwood be damned. He loved her unconditionally, and she'd never been so humbled and proud as she had been that day.

Ianto gave her one of his skeptical looks, the 'What are you really talking about?' look. She sighed, because he was right: this was getting awkward, but she was determined to get to the bottom of it now. How could Ianto be sleeping with Jack and yet so casual about _her_ supposed relationship with him?

"Doesn't it bother you?" she asked, lowering her voice. "This thing you think exists between me and Jack?"

"I _know_ it exists, and no, it doesn't bother me. Why should it?" He continued on with his meal, his face so free of any emotion…jealously, discomfort, anger…that she wondered if he was that good at wearing a mask, or if he was telling the truth.

"You're with Jack," she said. "I'm with Rhys. But you seem to think that Jack and I…well. For most people that could cause some stress in their relationship. I have to admit, it bothers Rhys, my working with someone like Jack."

"You mean jealousy," Ianto pointed out. He smirked. "Rhys is jealous of Jack. Are you jealous of me?" he asked. He enjoyed how easy it was to throw her off. She'd come into the conversation with a set of expectations that Ianto was clearly destroying with every contradictory reaction to her questions. Never mind that she was skirting dangerously close to all sorts of things he refused to think about when it came to Jack. Distracting her was distracting him as well.

"Ianto!" she exclaimed again, once more caught off guard. She didn't even want to consider the possibility that yes, she was. She was married and it didn't matter anymore. "That's not what I…shit, this is not how I thought this would go…"

"You think I should be jealous of you," he said, nodding sagely. "I'm sleeping with Jack, but you're both still eye fucking every chance you can and that's supposed to bother me."

"Doesn't it?" she demanded. Ianto studied her for so long she wondered if he was screwing himself up to answer honestly. But after he finished his glass of water and set it down, he leaned forward and spoke, so quietly yet so confidently that she believed him completely.

"No." He refused to answer any other way. It was what it was and what he thought about the whole sordid situation wouldn't change it.

"Why not?" she asked before she could stop herself. "If…if some woman were flirting with Rhys all the time and he flirted back, it would drive me mad!"

"How about if I start flirting with Rhys?" Ianto asked coyly around a mouthful of seaweed. Deflection was an art he'd learned from and honed with Jack. "Would that bother you?"

"Of course not," she replied with a wave of her hand. "Rhys isn't gay."

"Neither am I," said Ianto with a shrug. This was really too much fun.

"You're sleeping with Jack," she said.

"And you're not," he tossed back.

"So that's why you're not upset? Because he's in your bed and not mine?" For some reason that didn't make sense to her. Jack didn't strike her as the kind of man who stayed exclusively with one bed partner, after all. She'd always assumed that if she tried, she could have him, regardless of his other partners. Shamefully, she realized that included Ianto, her coworker and friend. She'd long held fast to the belief that Jack would take her up on any offer even if he was sleeping with Ianto, and that the only reason he didn't make a move on her was his sense of honor regarding her relationship with Rhys.

"No, I'm not jealous because I have nothing to be jealous of. Jealousy implies a level of commitment that we don't have. I have no reason to be jealous of Jack's other lovers, or even his potential lovers, just as he has no reason to be jealous of mine." He waited for her to chew on that, enjoying her confusion. Yet it was all true, wasn't it? He and Jack spent a lot of time together and Ianto enjoyed every minute of it, but he didn't kid himself that it meant anything more than sex and companionship to Jack. He couldn't. It was what Jack had offered from the beginning, even after he'd taken it to another level upon his return and they'd started going out on dates, and Ianto had accepted it unconditionally. He was comfortable with it because he understood and told himself he wanted the same thing. Right now Gwen was doing what she always did, which was impose her own worldview on others. Ianto did not share her need for normality; he'd given that up the day he'd joined Torchwood One. And he'd closed his heart to it the day Canary Wharf had fallen, reinforcing it with iron the day Lisa had died.

Gwen was staring at him. "So…so you're saying you're in an open relationship? You both sleep with other people? I didn't think you… Jack, maybe…" She trailed off, clearly confused and embarrassed by yet more assumptions that were proving to be wrong.

"That's because you assume everyone is like you," Ianto replied smugly. "When you think about it, it's too bad, because monogamy kept you from getting what you really wanted."

"I didn't really want—" she started, and Ianto shook his head.

"A part of you did, and probably still does, but you're too wrapped up in labels and categories…boyfriends, fiancés, marriage…to step out of the box and try things differently."

Gwen stared at him in disbelief. "Try things differently? Categories and labels? You sound like Jack."

Ianto winked at her, knowing it would really wind her up. "I am sleeping with him, you know." Jack's outlook had certainly rubbed off on Ianto, even if he didn't always agree.

"But that's it? It's just sex?" she pressed. "Dinner and dates and spending the night…the entire weekend…at your flat? That's all it is, two blokes fucking each other into the mattress for a bit of fun?"

Ianto shook his head. "If that was it, I could buy that a dozen different ways at the park and get some variety. I like Jack, Gwen, don't get me wrong. We get along well and have a good time together whether we go out, or if we stay in. But we're not like you and Rhys. We're not like most people."

"Well, no," she said, lowering her voice. "You're an alien-hunting Welshman and he's a time-traveling immortal."

"Good reason not to commit," Ianto replied, raising his water glass in a mock toast. "Pesky things, death and time."

Gwen gaped at him, then motioned for the check. "I feel like I don't know you at all right now."

"I'm sorry you've found my morals lacking," he murmured, though he wasn't, not really.

"Oh, it's not that," she said, seeming to regain confidence as she paid. "You're welcome to think and do and say whatever you like. But I think you're putting me on and lying to yourself."

"How so?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. She gestured to him to leave, since they had promised lunch for the others and still needed to pick up something for Jack and Tosh.

"I don't think it's that casual, nothing more than sex," she stated as they walked back toward the Hub. She wasn't sure what it was, but it couldn't be whatever Ianto thought it was; there was too much evidence against his protests. And as she spoke, she gained confidence in her assertion. "If you think me and Jack exchange too many looks, you should go over some CCTV footage and watch yourself. The looks, little touches, finishing each other's bloody sentences, throwing things around and catching them without even looking!" She shook a finger in his face to emphasize her point.

"Romantic dinners at Toujours and tickets to the symphony are not casual." She grinned and kept going before he could ask how she knew about their restaurant and musical choices. "Cooking a romantic dinner at your flat and driving to the beach the next morning for a seaside picnic is not casual. Cleaning Jack's coat while he picks out your ties is not casual!"

"He does not!" Ianto exclaimed, and she patted him on the arm.

"It's all right, we all know he's got his favorites," she said. "Maybe you're right about the…the thing between me and Jack that never happened, but it's nothing compared to the very real thing between _you_ and Jack right now. He chose you a long time ago, Ianto, and there's a good reason for that."

Ianto stuck his hands in his pockets and grumbled. "You were taken," he said, and for the first time, Gwen thought she heard the tiniest hint of doubt in his voice. Hurt, perhaps, or confusion. She linked her arm through his, and even though she felt him tense, she clung to him tightly.

"He never asked," she said softly. "Not once, and looking back…I made plenty of offers. Since the day I joined Torchwood he's been adamant that I hold onto my normal, to Rhys."

Ianto sighed. "He really believes that, you know. That your little bit of normal is important, an asset."

"Sometimes," she replied. "It's hard, but it's worth it. So worth it. Sometimes I wonder…" She trailed off as another thought occurred to her, something she'd not really considered before and yet it made so much sense at that moment that she was certain she was right. "I wonder if that's what Jack really wants, deep down. Something normal. Maybe that's why he tells me to keep it close."

Ianto snorted. "Jack's never been normal. I suspect even his birth was portentous."

"But he's so old, Ianto," she said. "He must be lonely!"

"Yes, he is," Ianto nodded in complete agreement and understanding. He knew Jack was desperately lonely at times. "But that doesn't mean he wants to settle down, get married, have kids."

"Maybe not, but…" She glanced sideways at him and decided to talk to Jack first before she said anything to Ianto. She was right about this, she knew it. Jack had been telling her to keep hold of her normal life since the beginning. She'd thought it was because it was so easy to get caught up in the surreal life that was Torchwood—aliens, monsters, time travel—and that he was too honorable to interfere in her established relationship. Yet maybe it was because normal was something he longed for himself, something he could never have given both his life with Torchwood and his immortality. Maybe he lived vicariously through others.

The rest of the team may have had their assumptions about her and Jack, but they also had their assumptions about Jack and Ianto. That Ianto was Jack's convenient, part-time shag was something Owen had grumbled about for months, though he'd backed off since his own near death experience. They all thought it was just sex, probably because at one point or another they'd all caught the pair snogging, or in poor Tosh's case, shagging in the archives. Yet it was clearly more when she looked back on it: on their interactions at work, on that dance at her wedding. Dinner dates, movies, holidays. Cooking, laughing, spending the night together. It was everything normal couples did. Not once had any of them thought that the dinners and the dates and the looks and the touches were anything more than a means to shag, but now Gwen thought it might, in fact, be something much more.

Jack and Ianto were in a real relationship. Maybe Ianto hadn't realized it, or maybe he hadn't accepted it, and that had really thrown her, because she'd assumed if one of them was emotionally involved, it was Ianto. Yet it must mean something to Jack. She was convinced that Jack was always telling her to hold on to her normal because he craved it himself. And it seemed obvious now that Ianto was that normal for Jack. The thought that Jack, even with his laughing and flirting and joking, might be more serious about their relationship than Ianto was surprising, not to mention heartbreaking.

When Gwen had asked Ianto to lunch, she had assumed that Ianto was more serious about the relationship and the one hurt by Jack's flippant comments and attitude. Yet he had denied they even had a real relationship, brushing off Jack's remarks as nothing more than par for the course. For Ianto, he and Jack were casual and there was nothing to be bothered by or jealous about. Now that she knew that they'd all been wrong about Ianto, Gwen wondered if they were wrong about Jack as well, if Jack's glib remarks hid deeper feelings. It wouldn't be the first time Jack had joked about something that was important to him, or something he was uncomfortable talking about. In this case, perhaps it was feelings that Ianto did not return in spite of everything they'd all assumed about both men.

Gwen was determined to change that. If Jack had deeper feelings for Ianto than they all suspected, and if Ianto was unable to see and return them, then she was going to make them both understand what was really going on between them. There was no way Ianto could resist a man like Jack, not if Jack had overcome his natural reluctance to let Ianto into his heart. In that way, they were perfect for each other, and with a smile, Gwen nodded to herself, determined to make everything right.

* * *

Author's Note:  
So this is a few things: it's another one of those 'what if?' scenarios Taamar and I throw back and forth at one another all the time. I think this conversation had to do with flipping the Ianto-was-more-serious-than-Jack-about-their-relationship trope. There was also something about Gwen being concerned about Jack's line in 'Something Borrowed', and Ianto's interpretation of it. I think that's how it started, anyway. This is also my first time writing a head-hopping fic. I have always stuck to one point of view, but this seemed to be one that might work with both characters in the scene, especially since I wanted to tell both sides without rewriting the entire story. I hope it worked. Part Two is between Jack and Ianto. I really had no interest in writing Gwen's conversation with Jack, sorry! Thank you for reading!


	2. Reluctance

II. Reluctance

"Everything all right?" asked Ianto, leaning against the doorway with his hands tucked into his pockets. Jack glanced up from the file he had been staring at ever since Gwen had left. Ianto looked slightly concerned, but also amused. "Gwen talk your ear off?" he asked lightly.

Jack nodded without answering. Ianto stepped into the room. "Did you want to get out for a while? Have dinner back at my flat?"

Again Jack nodded, though he didn't move. Ianto walked over to the desk, stood behind him, and started massaging his shoulders. Jack had been holed up with Gwen for a long time, and if their conversation had been anything like Ianto's conversation with her at lunch, Jack probably needed a distraction. The tension in his shoulders certainly seemed to confirm that something was on Jack's mind.

"Or we could have quick and dirty sex with a trick at the Avarice Club," Ianto whispered in Jack's ear.

"What?" Jack exclaimed, wheeling his chair around to find Ianto grinning at him, arms crossed over his chest now.

"Ah, a reaction!" he said. Yet the look on Jack's face was so startled that Ianto immediately placated him; it was clear that Jack was not in a teasing kind of mood. "I'm joking, Jack. I wouldn't do that." He paused. "Certainly not at the Avarice Club."

Jack's face went from confused to wide-eyed shock, and Ianto leaned down for a quick kiss. "Kidding again. Let's just have the quick and dirty sex at mine after dinner, yeah?"

"Okay." Jack was torn between pushing Ianto away and wanting to shag him right there, to reassure himself that Ianto was with _him_ , was _his._ Then again, after talking with Gwen, Jack wasn't sure that was the case. It was entirely possible that Ianto did not feel the same claim on Jack that Jack felt for him.

"I'll meet you back here in ten," Ianto said, moving toward the door, where he paused. "If you're sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine. Gwen was just…very Gwen." He shrugged. Ianto nodded in understanding.

"I understand. I got my own earful at lunch today," he said with a roll of his eyes. He was still turning it over and trying to sort out the meaning of it. Gwen's concern that Ianto was getting his heart broken by Jack and his glib comments had struck a chord. Ianto knew better than to fall for Jack Harkness. He was Ianto's boss, he had a reputation, and he was immortal. Jack also didn't do serious relationships and had made it clear from the beginning that whatever sort of relationship they had together would be casual. Yet Gwen's parting comments—that Ianto was wrong about it being casual and that there was something more between them—had left him confused and uncertain. Was she right? Was it more for Jack, and was Ianto not seeing it?

"What did she say to you?" asked Jack, certain his voice betrayed his uncertainty. He cleared his throat, embarrassed by the rare slip of vulnerability. He wondered if whatever Gwen had said to Ianto had affected the Welshman as much; her words to Jack had upended his world quite effectively.

Ianto gave him a guarded look. "She was her normal nosy self, but she did pay for lunch. I'm going to go lock up and shut down." He turned without another word, leaving Jack desperate for an answer. What had Gwen said to Ianto? Why was he keeping it secret— or taking it so well?

Fifteen minutes later they were in the car and driving back to Ianto's flat. Jack had tossed the keys to Ianto, remembering Gwen's remark about the looks and touches and tossing things about. They did seem to have an uncanny ability to know what the other was thinking, and Jack always knew where Ianto was. He liked it that way. He liked Ianto's solid presence and silent support and needed it more than anything some days. Letting his head fall back against the window, Jack watched the roads go by, hating the sudden stupor of doubt he'd fallen into. It wasn't like him. He was always the confident one, mindful and careful to keep his distance. Yet this time he had failed. He suspected there was only one way out of it, and it wouldn't be pretty.

Ianto did not bring it up again in the car, but let Jack have his space. He was usually quite good at that, but this was one of those rare times when Jack _wanted_ Ianto to badger him, to question him and demand answers. Instead they set about making some pasta, and it wasn't until they were sitting at the kitchen table and Ianto was pouring them some wine—unusual, but most appreciated—that it came up.

"What's wrong, Jack?" he asked quietly. "Whatever Gwen said either bothered you quite a bit or knocked you for a loop."

"How about both," Jack replied, picking at his plate. He still couldn't figure out where to begin, if at all. Well, no, he needed to say something since it was affecting him so much, but when it came down to it, he was scared. Scared that Gwen was right, that Jack had it all wrong when it came to Ianto's place in his life, and that saying anything would irrevocably change things between them.

"What did she say to you earlier?" he asked Ianto. "At lunch."

Ianto took a sip of wine as he contemplated how to respond. He was not so insensitive that he would blurt it all out without consideration for Jack's feelings, especially when Jack was obviously upset about something. Considering Gwen had cornered Jack not long after her lunch with Ianto, he suspected she'd gone and meddled again. He approached the topic of Gwen's conversation carefully.

"She was concerned," he offered. "About us."

Jack nodded through a mouthful of pasta. "Sounds familiar. Go on."

Ianto shrugged. "There's not much to say. She mentioned that you'd said something to her while you were dancing at the wedding that worried her. I told her it was nothing to be worried about."

"My comment about doing you while she was gone," Jack supplied, and Ianto nodded. He was suddenly worried that Gwen might have repeated other parts of their conversation to Jack. Was that why Jack was out of sorts? Had Ianto said something wrong?

"She thought I should be offended," Ianto replied with a forced laugh. "I told her that you always joke around like that, and besides, it was true, wasn't it? That's exactly what we do. Save the world, eat pizza, shag."

Jack glanced down at his plate, the truth of Gwen's suspicions right there before him. It really didn't bother Ianto, because Ianto believed it was all true. Jack hadn't thought about it at the time, but after Gwen's brow-beating in his office, he could admit that his comment was insensitive, as well as crass and demeaning. But Ianto didn't seem upset at all; Jack's comment was exactly how Ianto saw their relationship.

"Did you really cut in to stop us from…from mooning?" Jack blurted. Ianto froze before setting his fork down.

"She told you everything, didn't she?" he asked softly, his eyes slipping closed as he replayed everything he'd said to Gwen at their lunch and dreaded rehashing it with Jack. "Dammit, it's none of her business! She doesn't understand."

"Of course she doesn't understand!" Jack exclaimed. "How could she understand when I don't?"

"Don't understand what?" asked Ianto.

"Us," said Jack. "Is she right? Is she right about us?"

"What do you mean?"

Jack stood up and started pacing the small kitchen, leaving his dinner behind. He'd never thought he'd be the one bringing this up. For some reason, he'd always assumed it would be Ianto looking for reassurance, for validation, for more. That he was the one questioning the validity of their relationship was a real change from almost every other relationship he'd been in for the last fifty years.

"I thought we were different," he said, talking to the wall and not to Ianto. "Since I came back, I thought it was more than pizza and quick shags at the Hub." He turned around and saw the surprised look on Ianto's face. "We go out together, we spend the night together, we spend our time offtogether."

"Yes," Ianto replied, nodding slowly. "Are you not okay with that? Is it too much?"

"Too much!" exclaimed Jack, waving his hands in apparent disbelief. "Ianto, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm _happy._ I like what we have. I just thought it meant more to you than some casual shag. Like you told Gwen."

Ianto wanted to strangle Gwen for getting involved and making things complicated. Everything had been fine between he and Jack before she'd opened her damn mouth and inserted her own thoughts and opinions into their relationship. He tried not to take out his anger with Gwen on Jack.

"But it is casual," Ianto replied, watching Jack's reaction: his face tensed up, his hands balled into fists in his pocket, and something broke in his eyes. "It does mean something to me, Jack, but I can't call it something it's not."

"You really think practically living together for the last three months is casual?" asked Jack. He sounded torn between incredulous and hurt. Ianto hung his head and took another breath so that he didn't grow defensive.

"It is when you say it is," he said softly, then glanced up. "You made it clear from the start, Jack, and I respected that. And then dinner and a movie, yes…but still casual. No commitment. You said you don't do long term relationships, for obvious reasons."

Jack stared at him, almost feeling sick to his stomach. He had said that, late one night toward the beginning of their renewed relationship, after a fantastic night at Ianto's flat. Ianto had very calmly agreed and accepted Jack's words that night, and they'd never spoken of it since. But Jack had said it as much to spare Ianto the pain of developing stronger feelings as to stop himself from doing the same. Because he'd felt it that night, the very real possibility that he could fall hard for Ianto Jones.

The problem was, he had.

Oh, he'd denied it at first, then had quietly accepted it and set it aside. It was what it was, as Ianto would say. But he'd honestly thought that Ianto had felt the same, though the words were never said. They'd spent more nights together than not after that night. Jack had his own drawers in Ianto's chest, Ianto kept half his suits in Jack's closet. They'd gone on more dates, even a weekend holiday, had come out to the team…Jack would have never used the term, but he honestly had thought they were together. In a relationship. A couple, though the word scared him with its implication of commitment and obligation.

"Casual," Jack echoed. "No commitment. Does that mean you… that you've…"

"Slept with other people?" asked Ianto. "Haven't you?"

Jack stared at him with wide eyes and that funny half smile, half frown he had that wasn't particularly attractive but that Ianto loved anyway. He regretted asking almost immediately, and not because of Jack's response, but because Ianto realized that he didn't want to know. Of course Jack slept with others. They weren't exclusive, they never had been and had never made any promises of it. Yet not knowing was better than knowing, because knowing meant accepting the fact that it bothered him.

"No, I haven't," Jack replied softly. He sat down across from Ianto again. "Have you?"

Ianto hesitated, wondering if his answer would reveal too much. Yet he hated lying to Jack, so he shook his head. "No," he said. "Not since you got back."

Jack glanced up and grinned, and Ianto grinned back, even though he wasn't quite sure why. Was he relieved? Did it matter if Jack slept with others? If he did?

"Well, that's something," said Jack, sitting down across from Ianto again. For whatever reason, he was glad. His conversation with Gwen had left him with serious doubts about his relationship with Ianto. She'd said Ianto seemed unconcerned about commitment, about Jack's jokes, even Jack's tense relationship with Gwen. Which he didn't particularly want to think about at that moment; he was confused enough, and frankly, that was settled. Gwen was married, and Jack had realized long before that he wanted to be with Ianto and not her, no matter the pull.

"I still don't understand," Ianto said. "What does this have to do with what Gwen said to you?"

"I'm not sure," said Jack. "But you should know, she came away from your conversation with the distinct impression that you were far more casual about us than she'd expected"

"Yes, I think she cast me as the moony-eyed subordinate desperate for love, hanging on your every word, even when they were insensitive and dismissive." Ianto paused, suddenly realizing something. "She cast me as herself."

"What?" asked Jack, thoroughly confused by Ianto's last remark. The others made sense, and it was part of what troubled him, because he'd half assumed the same when in fact it was quite the opposite.

"She's the moony-eyed subordinate desperate for love, hanging on your every word. And if you were insensitive and dismissive with her, she'd be crushed and pissed off, which was why she felt the need to check on me."

"But I'm with you," said Jack. "No matter what you think, what you told her, I don't feel like that about her. I don't _want_ to be with her, not like I do with you."

"Even when you first hired her?" asked Ianto. He clearly remembered Gwen's first few weeks and how Jack had followed her with his eyes. At the time, Ianto had been glad for the distraction, refusing to admit that he missed some of the flirting he'd enjoyed with Jack before Gwen had joined the team. It had given him a chance to refocus on Lisa.

"When I first hired her I was…" Jack paused, trying to think of the right word. "I was interested, yes. She was strong and stubborn and full of life and compassion…she still is, only she's strong and stubborn and full of life and compassion to a fault sometimes. I learned that quickly."

"You didn't let up on the looks and touches," Ianto pointed out. Jack shrugged.

"At first, I had no reason to. It was only looks and touches, after all, and nothing more. It was clear she needed a tether to reality, her so-called normal life with Rhys, and I don't actually like to interfere in things like that just for a bit of short-term fun." He took a breath, reluctant to admit the rest. "Because it was also clear she was wrong for me. I found what I wanted elsewhere."

Ianto snorted and stood up. He needed more wine, or maybe something stronger.

"Don't say it was me, Jack," he said. "That's not what this is about."

"But it is!" said Jack, standing and following him. He took the bottle from Ianto's hands and set it back down on the counter. "Don't you see? This is not casual for me, Ianto. Not anymore. I know what I said, but I said those things to protect you, to protect _myself_. I didn't plan for this to happen. I wanted it to be different than it was before I left, but not this."

Ianto sighed. "Not what? Not two blokes who enjoy being together and have great sex? Because that's what you offered and that's what I accepted."

Jack narrowed his eyes at Ianto and leaned in closer. "I care about you," he said quietly and with as much intensity as he could, trying to convey everything he felt without actually saying it. It was not the way he'd envisioned himself confessing his feelings, in the middle of Ianto's kitchen during a very unromantic discussion about their relationship, but then this was not the usual relationship talk as he'd experienced them. He'd _always_ been in Ianto's shoes, shrugging it off as casual while his partners beat his chest, wept, punched him in the face, or walked out.

"You care about Gwen too," Ianto pointed out, which made Jack angry because it was certainly not the response he'd hoped for, pointing out his feelings for someone else.

"Not like you," he said. "And right now I almost wish I didn't because this is not how I normally do things. _I'm_ usually the one who backs off and runs when it gets too serious."

Ianto frowned, his heart starting to beat faster. "I'm not backing off," he said. "And I'm not…" He trailed off. He wasn't what, as serious? Why not? Apparently Jack was. Which meant Gwen had been right. It _was_ more than casual.

"You're not what?" asked Jack. "Ianto, I meant what I said that night. I don't do long term relationships, not for decades. But you've gone and messed it up!"

"That's not fair," said Ianto. "You can't blame me for…for whatever's going on here."

"Do you even know what's going on?" asked Jack, sounding exasperated. "I just said that I—"

"Don't," murmured Ianto, wide-eyed with sudden panic.

"—that I care about you, _a lot_ , and you haven't said it back. Gwen was right! Somehow she figured us out." Gwen had thought Jack was leading Ianto on, breaking his heart with his casual attitude…when it was really the other way around.

Ianto shook his head, too stunned to respond. He turned abruptly and strode into the living room, anger competing with confusion and touched by fear. He didn't know what to do, what to say, what to feel. Jack followed him, watched him for a few moments, and then sighed, which really scared Ianto. It was the sound of defeat.

"I should go," said Jack. "I'm sorry I brought it up, that I came over and ruined your night." He started for the door, determined to maintain his dignity as he left.

"No," said Ianto, turning toward him and repeating it with more force. "Don't go. I want to understand what's going on here."

"There's nothing to understand," Jack said wearily. "I shouldn't have said anything. We should just forget it ever happened."

"Could you?" Ianto asked pointedly. "Could you forget?"

Jack nodded. "Maybe. For a while."

"I couldn't," Ianto admitted, feeling vulnerable. "I don't want to."

"I'm not sure I want to remember," Jack replied. He was tired of the emotional drain the conversation was taking on him and wanted to leave, to bury his humiliation deep down and wallow in it back at the Hub, preferably in the privacy of his quarters with a large glass of scotch. "We're obviously in different places when it comes to this thing between us. I'm not sure understanding that is going to change that."

"I don't want to end it!" Ianto exclaimed.

"I don't want to either," said Jack. "But in most relationships both people care about one another."

"I care about you," said Ianto, shaking his head. "I do." And he did, he could admit that without any doubt in his heart. But did he care about Jack as much as Jack cared about him? Did he love Jack? Did Jack actually love him? It seemed impossible. Jack had said from the start he didn't do relationships, didn't do the couple thing. So Ianto had refused to even consider the possibility. Jack was his friend, his lover…nothing more.

"But not like I care about you," said Jack, and Ianto heard the sadness in the other man's voice.

"You really mean that," Ianto whispered, as if it were the most amazing thing in the world, knowing how Jack felt about him. Jack wondered why Ianto was so surprised, so unable or unwilling to accept it. Did he not feel worthy? Or had he taken Jack at his word so completely that the very idea of their relationship becoming more than causal was completely foreign to him?

"More than anything," Jack said, stepping forward and taking Ianto's hand. "I try not to think about it too much, though, given my history."

"Your history?" Ianto asked, and Jack laughed softly.

"Like you pointed out, I don't do long term relationships for obvious reasons. I've lost everyone I ever loved, and I will _always_ lose everyone I love, no matter what I do. I will outlive them all. Sometimes I can't bear the thought of letting someone else in just to lose them."

"I'm sorry," whispered Ianto, and Jack kissed him on the lips quickly, for reassurance.

"It's not your fault," Jack said. "And really, maybe it's better this way. If we end it now, we can both move on. I won't lose someone I care about so much, and you can find someone to love outside of Torchwood."

"No!" The very real possibility of Jack leaving him left Ianto reeling. He tried to understand why. He'd spent over a year refusing to fall in love with Jack, and yet the thought of not being with Jack broke his heart. Was that love? Could it be, if he stopped resisting?

"Ianto, I already told you—I'm not used to being on this side of the fence. And you know what? It sort of sucks." Jack blew out a long breath. "Don't make it worse. It is what it is."

"Dammit, Jack, give me a chance!" Ianto exclaimed. He took Jack's other hand in his and held them tight. "Don't you see? I've been telling myself this was casual because those were the terms. I understood and accepted them from the beginning, and if that was still the case, I would still understand and accept them."

"Why?" asked Jack. "I don't understand why you would do that…why you would even bother."

"I accepted it because I wanted to be with you then, and I want to be with you now. And I understand because I know what it's like to lose someone too. Maybe not as many people as you've lost, but Lisa's death was the hardest thing I ever went through. I didn't want to go through that again, not with you." He rolled his eyes as Jack opened his mouth to protest. "And yes, I know you can't die, but you could still leave, move on, disappear. Loss is loss."

"So you kept it casual," said Jack, ignoring the sting of Ianto's last words. Ianto was entitled to his feelings, and Jack understood where the other man was coming from given his own reluctance to get emotionally involved. And considering Jack's past, it was only natural that Ianto would have his doubts about Jack's sense of commitment. "You really are obstinate, aren't you?" He was not surprised that Ianto's stubbornness had locked away his heart; the question was, could Ianto open it again?

"I'm a stubborn bastard, yes, yes," Ianto replied, dropping Jack's hands and waving his own in the air, obviously agitated. "I admit it. I suppressed each and every thought of this being anything more than casual that dared to make its way into my thoughts. But I did have them, Jack. I did think about what it could be like between us, but then I put those thoughts aside and buried them. I had to. I didn't want to lose you if I pushed, and I didn't want to be hurt if you left. It was the perfect solution."

"It's bollocks," said Jack, and Ianto quirked an eyebrow.

"Until Gwen stuck her nose into our business, maybe," he said. He felt the need to defend his position. "But it was self-preservation, Jack. No different than your own, and it worked. You said it yourself, that you were happy. So was I. Would you have ever said anything if Gwen hadn't cornered you in your office this afternoon?"

Jack sighed and shook his head. "Probably not. I liked thinking you felt the same way without having to say it myself. It seemed like you did." He hated sounding so insecure about this, but there was nothing for it now.

"Maybe I do," said Ianto. "Or I could. God knows there are times I wanted to, I just wouldn't let myself." He blew out a breath and toed the floor before meeting Jack's eyes. "Does that make any sense at all?"

To Ianto's relief, Jack nodded. "You're talking to a man who has avoided this sort of thing for decades," he said. "Of all the people on this planet, I understand."

"So where does that leave us?" Ianto asked quietly.

"I'm not sure," said Jack, tucking his hands into his pockets with a shrug. "Retcon?" he suggested, clearly not serious.

"We'd have to get Gwen too," said Ianto. "She started it."

"Did she ever," Jack murmured. Ianto nodded in agreement, but was silent. Jack watched him struggle with his thoughts, then held out his hand and gestured to the sofa. Ianto smiled at him with such relief that Jack thought maybe, just maybe, it would work out for them. But he had to know for sure; he couldn't just keep assuming Ianto felt the same anymore.

They settled on the sofa, and though Jack wanted to sit close, he held back, allowing himself only the contact of their hands. "What are you thinking?" he finally asked after another long silence.

Ianto took a deep breath, as if working himself up for whatever it was he had to say. It was not what Jack expected.

"I'm scared," he said, then turned to meet Jack's eyes. Jack looked surprised and squeezed his hand in support before resting it on Ianto's leg.

"You're one of the bravest men I know," he replied. "What are you afraid of?"

"I'm afraid of losing you," Ianto replied, and stopped him before Jack could say anything about his immortality. "I mean here, right now. I'm afraid of losing this. Us." It was something he'd only realized in the moment, but it was more true than anything else he knew. He did not want to lose Jack, and he was not too proud to admit it.

Jack grinned crookedly. "Well, that's good, isn't it? It must mean something."

"Of course it does," Ianto replied. "It always did, from the very beginning. You…you saved me, Jack. You helped break me first, but you put me back together afterwards. I don't think anyone has ever done as much for me as what you've done this last year."

Jack didn't say anything, so Ianto continued. He was rubbish at this sort of thing, even with Lisa whom he had loved dearly, but something had changed, had gone wrong, and he needed to fix it. Which meant fighting his natural tendency to keep his feelings held close, or worse, completely denied.

"I knew from the first time we…well, I knew it was different. Or that it could be. But it was too soon for me, and you weren't offering anything more, so it was fine. It was what we both needed. Even when you came back and things changed, it was enough."

Ianto hung his head, and Jack wanted to pull him into an embrace and stop him with kisses, but knew he had to let Ianto work this out on his own. So he waited, his heart thumping because god, these kinds of talks were painful. Awkward and uncomfortable, all Jack could think about was either running away or shagging it away. But neither would work now, that much he knew. They had to be honest with one another and work this out.

"I would like for it to be more, even if it that just means acknowledging what's already there," said Ianto, glancing up with a wry smile. "But I'm still scared. Only I'm scared of losing you later, in the future. When I'm old, when you leave, when—"

Jack threw caution to the wind and surged forward to kiss Ianto. "I won't hurt you," he said, resting his forehead against Ianto's. "I promise."

"You can't promise that," Ianto said, sounding so sad Jack's heart broke. "Just like I can't promise not to hurt you by growing older, by dy—"

"Don't say it," Jack growled, and Ianto's eyes widened at the sound. "Don't you think I'm scared too? Of the same thing? Of you leaving me someday in the future, when you've had enough of me, when you want to settle down with someone normal and live happily ever after? And if you," he stopped and corrected himself. "When you die, I'll be alone again. I'm scared too, Ianto. Of the same things."

Ianto's eyes slipped closed. "The risks we take," he murmured. He tried to picture a future with Jack in his mind's eye, a real future. Not just two friends and coworkers sleeping together, spending time together…but two people spending their lives together…a house, a garden, a life away from the Hub. With each other.

He saw it and he wanted it, and with a gasp of realization he crashed his lips to Jack's, reassuring himself that Jack was there, that he _wanted_ to be there. Ianto let himself truly feel, for perhaps the first time, not only the attraction they'd always shared, but the genuine affection. It was there, in the touch of Jack's hand on the back of Ianto's neck, in the look in Jack's eyes, the smile against Ianto's lips.

"Don't leave again," Ianto said, pulling back and trying to convey his feelings to Jack with his own look, his own touch.

"I won't leave until you tell me to," Jack replied.

"I never will," said Ianto. "I want this more than anything now."

They moved closer together, holding one another until Jack leaned forward and nibbled at Ianto's neck and jaw, unable to resist being so close, wanting to show Ianto just how much the Welshman meant to him in the ways he knew best.

"What do you want?" he murmured.

"I want you," Ianto breathed, and for perhaps the first time, he wasn't thinking about having Jack in just his bed, but his life.

Jack grinned against Ianto's cheek. "You have me, all of me, however you want me."

"And what about you?" asked Ianto. "What do you want?"

"I could think of several things I want right now," Jack offered cheekily, his sense of humour slowly returning as Ianto nuzzled at his ear.

"There's quite a list," Ianto replied. "But what do you really want, Jack?"

"I want you," Jack said, mirroring Ianto's words and trying not to trip over his own. "For as long as I can have you."

Ianto kissed Jack passionately before pulling back and gazing intensely into Jack's eyes. "I would give you forever if I could," he whispered. It was something he'd always known, but he was only starting to understand why. It wasn't loyalty, or pity, or compassion; it was more.

Jack thought he would break right then and there. Ianto might not be offering those three special words that Jack himself could barely say, but he had just offered so much more that Jack wasn't sure how to react, what to do. And to his continued surprise, Ianto nodded in understanding before he smiled, stood up, and offered Jack his hand before they both broke down in blubbering messes.

"Sorted?" he asked as he led Jack toward the bedroom.

"Sorted." Normally Jack would have been touching Ianto as much as possible—fondling him as he walked, removing his clothing as he protested. This time Jack could only follow in a happy daze. He was too relieved and too content to play games. He wanted Ianto, and Ianto wanted him. It was as if a wall had come down between them that Jack hadn't even known existed. On the other side of the wall was a future he'd tried to avoid, because it always ended in loss. Yet there was also joy and happiness and a life together on the other side of the wall, and Jack found his thoughts drifting to all those things he could look forward to before he lost Ianto. Falling asleep together every night and waking up together every morning, perhaps living together. More dates, more dinners, more holidays. Maybe a house, a new car. A dog, or a cat considering their long hours. And perhaps one day he could take Ianto to the stars.

He was so wrapped up in his visions of the future that Jack was surprised to find Ianto had unbuttoned his shirt without him even noticing. He glanced up to find Ianto watching him with an affectionate look on his face.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, turning Jack's words back on him. Jack had been strangely reserved since they'd started for Ianto's bedroom, quiet and keeping his hands to himself. Ianto wasn't sure whether to be pleasantly surprised at not being accosted in his own hallway or worried. He pulled the other man closer to him. "Jack?"

"I was thinking about us," Jack whispered, pecking his lips. "About you, and me, and the future. Making plans."

"Hmm." Ianto nodded sagely and began to undo Jack's trousers. "And what about the present? Can we start there, perhaps?"

"Absolutely," said Jack, letting his hands start working on Ianto's clothing. "I did say there were several things I wanted right now."

Ianto laughed softly. "It always comes back to the list."

"It always comes back to you," Jack murmured in his ear.

"Jack…" Ianto started, then stopped, unsure what to say. He swallowed his discomfort with the implied intimacy of Jack's simple reply and forced himself to look into Jack's eyes, to accept what he saw there. He wasn't sure what Jack saw in return, but he hoped the other man saw something worth staying for.

"Can we talk about it later?" asked Jack, shucking Ianto's shirt over his head. "The future?"

Ianto tried not to let his nerves get the better of him and laugh, because he could see that Jack was completely serious. The future. He wanted to talk about the future. About them, together. What had Ianto told Gwen that morning? That he and Jack were sleeping together, not planning a future together. He'd meant it. It wasn't something he'd ever considered, yet here he was, about to plan a future with Jack. All because of Gwen and her misguided concern over an innocuous comment at her wedding.

Life at Torchwood was funny that way sometimes.

"Yes, we can talk about it," Ianto finally replied. "As long as you stop talking now and concentrate on other things."

Jack kissed him hard and tumbled them to the bed, leaving their clothes behind in a pile on the floor. He pinned Ianto down before the other man could protest and hang them up. "I'll show you concentration," he murmured.

"Perhaps some focused attention as well?" Ianto suggested, and Jack grinned down at him.

"Wherever you want it."

"Anywhere. Everywhere."

"I have some ideas."

"Brilliant."

"No resistance, though." Jack had grown reluctant over the years to become attached and fall in love, yet Ianto was someone he couldn't deny. And if Jack could fall in love, so could Ianto. His stubborn resistance would only distance him from the happiness he deserved, and more than anything Jack wanted Ianto to be happy. With Jack, and without any doubts.

Ianto grinned against Jack's lips and pulled the other man tight against him. He wondered if Jack was implying more than the obvious innuendo, or if Ianto was reading more into it. Either way, the answer was simple.

"No more resistance."

No more denying the possibilities, pushing away thoughts of more. It wasn't casual anymore, and Ianto could finally let himself feel everything he'd refused to feel for months. He could look forward to a real future. With Jack.

For as long as they had.

* * *

Author's Note:

The End! I hope that lived up to expectations. I must admit it turned out slightly different than I thought it would. In the first draft, those 'three little words' were indeed spoken, and then I thought…but that makes it AU! And I wasn't sure if they'd be using the l-word at this point. When Taamar agreed I scrubbed it out, surprised to find that it probably works better this way. Thank you for the advice! I hope you enjoyed it. As always, let a girl know what you thought!


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